An Important Message from Church Headquarters: Treasuring the freedom that allows us to honor our unique ancient traditions while keeping up with the times, we propose adjusting these special Sundays in the church year.
Where I’m At Sunday, May 8 (formerly Confirmation Sunday): The youth of the church will reflect upon the hypocrisy of organized religion. They will show no interest in the Christian faith, but they will be invited to share their feelings and subsequently be received into full membership.
Denominational Apology Sunday, May 15 (formerly Pentecost): Time will be reserved for the denomination to apologize for one or more of the following: a) historical wrongs; b) hurt feelings; c) stands taken which may turn out to be wrong; d) stands now believed to be wrong which may turn out to be right; e) things that other denominations have done wrong.
Bad Preaching Sunday, June 5: Pastors will swap pulpits and preach extremely poor sermons at one another’s churches, thus increasing each congregation’s esteem for its own pastor. (Note: The official name of this Sunday is not to be shared with the congregation.)
Cute Things Kids Say About God Sunday, January 30; February 13, 20; March 27 (formerly Easter); May 22 (formerly Trinity Sunday); June 19; September 4, 11, 18; October 2; December 18 and December 24 (formerly Christmas Eve): On these popular Sundays, pastors should quote heavily from stories making the rounds on the internet, which the congregation will enjoy hearing again. Stories need not have a point as long as they are cute and vaguely anti-intellectual. Don’t overlook stories about your own children, which are a source of never ending delight to others.
- Lillian Daniel, Huffington Post, ”The Church Calendar: New and Improved”