emm in sem

Metamorphosis

My journey, especially over the last two years, has been one which has required considerable change in me. Actually, it has been a rather painful revelation of the transformation that is urgent and necessary.

But how does a caterpillar decide to become a butterfly? Exactly! I know metamorphosis is urgent. So I await. I posture myself for change.

Like our lovely Sophia, I have the feeling that as I become more grounded, the transformation I need will come.

- David Hayward

This is the offense of Jesus: not that he was tolerant (because we see with some he was not); not that he was a good man (because we see that many considered him a dangerous, sinful heretic); not that he was wise (because we see that many thought him a fool, including his own followers); and not that he was a miracle worker (because we see that many considered him a fraud and sorcerer). No. What was so offensive about Jesus?: that he was an includer!
- David Hayward

This is the offense of Jesus: not that he was tolerant (because we see with some he was not); not that he was a good man (because we see that many considered him a dangerous, sinful heretic); not that he was wise (because we see that many thought him a fool, including his own followers); and not that he was a miracle worker (because we see that many considered him a fraud and sorcerer). No. What was so offensive about Jesus?: that he was an includer!

- David Hayward

Church sign deconstruction

Gentlemen, choose your weapons!

I’m not saying there is no god.But you have to enter the dark winter and ask yourself that question.I’m not saying your holy book is the meaningless chatter of fantasy.But you have to enter the dark winter and ask yourself that question.I’m not saying life has no meaning.But you have to enter the dark winter and ask yourself that question.
I have no idea how long your dark winter will be.I suppose it depends on your courageand the sincerity of your question.I suppose it depends on whether you really want to knowand on your resilience with whatever answer comes.If one ever does come.But you have to ask the question.You have to enter the dark winter.

I’m not saying there is no god.
But you have to enter the dark winter and ask yourself that question.
I’m not saying your holy book is the meaningless chatter of fantasy.
But you have to enter the dark winter and ask yourself that question.
I’m not saying life has no meaning.
But you have to enter the dark winter and ask yourself that question.

I have no idea how long your dark winter will be.
I suppose it depends on your courage
and the sincerity of your question.
I suppose it depends on whether you really want to know
and on your resilience with whatever answer comes.
If one ever does come.
But you have to ask the question.
You have to enter the dark winter.

“One book, two attitudes”

As we can see from these two fellas, their minds are predisposed to thinking a certain way, and the bible supports their contradictory attitudes.

Our minds form a worldview at a very young age. Then it finds the appropriate information that agrees with this worldview. This in turn confirms and solidifies the worldview, which then endorses and promotes the information with which it agrees.

It is a vicious circle that is very difficult to escape.

What might be called my first “psychic break” from the Christianity I’d been immersed in for several years came when I was 20. I’d returned home from almost a year on the road with a gospel choir because my dad had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. No, the trigger for this change was not the fact of his illness. Yes, I did go through an emotional “if only” syndrome: feeling that if only I’d been a better daughter it might not have happened – yet at the same time I recognized that as an irrational but common emotional reaction. I also flirted with the idea of trying to bribe God by making outlandish promises if only he’d perform a miracle – but knew that was also an irrational but common emotional response.
I didn’t believe that either God or the devil had anything to do with it – or karma or luck or anything mystic or magical. Bad things happen to good people. I believed that what mattered was how we reacted to things and that God was there to comfort, support, and provide guidance – not to wave a magic wand and make it go away. I believed that prayer was most beneficial to the one who prayed – it wasn’t an incantation or spell that would change the external world or alter God’s mind, but would instead change the person praying. Praying wasn’t about getting things – it was about seeking wisdom. It wasn’t about “God change them” but “God change me”.
I knew my outlook was different than most of my Christian acquaintances, and radical to the crowd my family and I fellowshipped with. We belonged to a mega-church that was on the cutting edge of the apostolic, headship / submission, and prosperity fads that were becoming all the rage. I’d had well meaning church members try to fit me into their one-size-fits-all box many times. But as annoying, frustrating, and depressing as that could be, as mind-bending, manipulative, and confidence-destroying as it was, I hadn’t considered leaving. But when Dad got sick, I saw and felt the response of these “good” people for what it was – cold, hard, rigid dogma utterly lacking in compassion, empathy, or any type of wisdom or truth.
Read the full story

What might be called my first “psychic break” from the Christianity I’d been immersed in for several years came when I was 20. I’d returned home from almost a year on the road with a gospel choir because my dad had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. No, the trigger for this change was not the fact of his illness. Yes, I did go through an emotional “if only” syndrome: feeling that if only I’d been a better daughter it might not have happened – yet at the same time I recognized that as an irrational but common emotional reaction. I also flirted with the idea of trying to bribe God by making outlandish promises if only he’d perform a miracle – but knew that was also an irrational but common emotional response.

I didn’t believe that either God or the devil had anything to do with it – or karma or luck or anything mystic or magical. Bad things happen to good people. I believed that what mattered was how we reacted to things and that God was there to comfort, support, and provide guidance – not to wave a magic wand and make it go away. I believed that prayer was most beneficial to the one who prayed – it wasn’t an incantation or spell that would change the external world or alter God’s mind, but would instead change the person praying. Praying wasn’t about getting things – it was about seeking wisdom. It wasn’t about “God change them” but “God change me”.

I knew my outlook was different than most of my Christian acquaintances, and radical to the crowd my family and I fellowshipped with. We belonged to a mega-church that was on the cutting edge of the apostolic, headship / submission, and prosperity fads that were becoming all the rage. I’d had well meaning church members try to fit me into their one-size-fits-all box many times. But as annoying, frustrating, and depressing as that could be, as mind-bending, manipulative, and confidence-destroying as it was, I hadn’t considered leaving. But when Dad got sick, I saw and felt the response of these “good” people for what it was – cold, hard, rigid dogma utterly lacking in compassion, empathy, or any type of wisdom or truth.

Read the full story

2 rooms 2 theologies

When I pastored churches I spent a lot of time in hospitals visiting the sick. This happened so many times. It has also happened in my own life. In the face of this paradoxical mystery, easy answers sound as ridiculous as they are.

Teaching, then and now